The Freakiest LMG Fic
by cancanchicamg
Summary: You thought you'd read all the freakishly freaky Lizzie McGuire Fictions out there? You are wrong! You are very, very, very, very wrong!!!! R&R!
1. Huh?

I was bored in the shower this morning , and had an ingenious idea for  
  
this new fic. "The Freakiest LMG Fic" might scare you and/or scar you   
  
for  
  
life. If you are willing to see/read Gordo talking like a cheerleader   
  
get  
  
on ya'll and read it! I don't own Lizzie McGuire nor do I hate it. I   
  
just  
  
love making fun of it!!  
  
The Freakiest LMG Fic!!  
  
Chapter One: Huh?  
  
Gordo sat up in bed at 1:23 A.M. and shouted, "Today is the day I will  
  
persuade Lizzie into going out with me!" Then, he fell backwards into   
  
his  
  
bed, and started having snoring spasms.  
  
The next morning, Gordo looked at his calendar and said "Golly golly  
  
gosh! Today's Friday the thirteenth! I must persuade Lizzie into going  
  
out with me on the unluckiest day of the year!" So Gordo showered, and  
  
put on his best Tux- which happened to be five sizes too small- and   
  
went  
  
to eat breakfast. He ate three bites of cereal, and ran out the door to  
  
school.  
  
When he arrived, Lizzie was standing by her locker, putting her books  
  
away.  
  
"Hey, Lizzie," said Gordo in a cheezy cheerleader voice.  
  
"Hey what?" she responded in an equally cheezy way. (A/N if you know  
  
this cheer, you know how it sounds. Their voices have a continuous  
  
annoying sound.)  
  
"Let me see you get down."  
  
"No way!"  
  
"Let me see you get down."  
  
"OK. Jump! Shake your booty. Jump Jump! Shake your booty," they said   
  
as  
  
everyone in the halls stared at them.  
  
"Hey Lizzie!" Gordo started again.  
  
"Hey what?" Lizzie shouted then muttered,"Holy shit, not again!"  
  
"Will you go out with me?"  
  
"No way!"  
  
"Ha! Will you go out with me?"  
  
"Ok," started Lizzie sadly, but got back into the scary   
  
perkiness."Jump  
  
shake your booty. Jump jump! Shake your booty!"  
  
"Ha-ha," said Kate as she passed by the overly perky twosome, "you  
  
losers are dating. I have Ethan all to myself!"  
  
Ethan then walks down the hall. "Hey Kate. I'm confused, what town do   
  
we  
  
live in again?"  
  
Then, Kate's mini skirt and tube-top disappear to become a nun   
  
suit.(A/N  
  
We are now in The Sound of Music)"How do you solve problem like Ethan?"  
  
With this said, Larry Tudgeman comes running down the hall like a  
  
maniac. "Like this. *BOOM*!*EXPLODE*"said Larry as he shot Ethan with a  
  
mini- bazooka that could fit in his pant pockets. Ethan's head was   
  
blown  
  
off, and underneath was a robot harboring a very small alien.  
  
"Remember the Alamo!" shouted Ethan, seconds before he... bit the big  
  
one!  
  
"No wonder when we had sex I always felt a spark," said Kate.  
  
"Aren't nuns supposed to stay chaste?" asked Miranda as she ran down   
  
the  
  
hall like a screaming lunatic.  
  
"Good point," said Lizzie. "Larry, shoot her with your  
  
mini-bazooka!"*BOOM**EXPLODE* The abnormally large, but small bullet   
  
went  
  
right through Kate, revealing her true identity.  
  
"Yes, it's true, I am Casper, the Friendly Ghost," said Kate as she   
  
took  
  
off her skin, revealing a cute, innocent Casper ghost.  
  
"Who would've guessed?" screamed Miranda as she continued to run up   
  
and  
  
down the halls like an idiot. After thirty seconds of "Oh" "That makes  
  
absolutely no sense", people began to do what they were doing before  
  
Kate..er... Casper entered Hillridge that ten minutes ago.  
  
"Hey Lizzie!" started Gordo again.  
  
"Hey what?"  
  
"Hey Lizzie?"  
  
"Gordo, just ask me like a normal human. Not that you are normal,   
  
you're  
  
wearing an abnormally small tuxedo."  
  
"Wanna go... in the janitor's closet?"  
  
"To do the dirty?" asked Miranda as she yet again flew across the   
  
hall.  
  
This time, she ran into the door, rendering her unconscious.  
  
"Alleluia!" screamed the entire building.  
  
"Let's get it on!" Lizzie screamed like that wrestling dude.  
  
*****  
  
Lizzie felt a slight tinge of guilt after doing the dirty in a   
  
janitors  
  
closet. Because, if doing the dirty wasn't enough, the janitor's closet  
  
was.  
  
"Maybe I feel guilty because I believe sex should be had in a bed?   
  
Yep,  
  
that's probably it!" Gordo had come to the house with her. He really  
  
wanted to be with Lizzie, now that they were a part of each other.   
  
(That  
  
sounds funky!)  
  
"Gordo," screamed Jo McGuire as she ran out of the kitchen wearing the  
  
maid outfit form "Clueless". "Your parents called, they decided to   
  
leave  
  
the country for the rest of the week because they hate you some damn  
  
much. So you're staying the week here."  
  
"Thanks Miss McGuire."  
  
"They dumped your stuff in the front door area. Now, you'd have the  
  
couch normally, but Matt covered it in molasses for a school project,   
  
and  
  
you can't see the floor in his room. We'd let you sleep in our room,   
  
but  
  
I know you'd want our bed, but we'd be gettin it on, so you can't sleep  
  
there. So, you can sleep in Lizzie's room. If you were any other guy,   
  
I'd  
  
say no, but you aren't any other guy, you're Gordo!"  
  
"That almost made me feel special."  
  
*****  
  
Hehehe. Well, plz review for the sake of my sanity!!!! 


	2. In Lizzie's Room

Hello again! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of the Freakiest LMG  
  
Fic! Well, after being bored for a few hours, another chapter came to   
  
me!  
  
Here it is:  
  
Chapter 2: In Lizzie's Room  
  
*****  
  
Well, after a hard day of cheering, Gordo wanted to hit the sack. His  
  
mother and father had neglected to pack the poor boy a sleeping bag,   
  
and  
  
the McGuire's had been covered in molasses for Matt's project.(Whatever  
  
the hell it was!)  
  
"Gordo," said Jo-still in maid costume, "I know you and Lizzie are   
  
good  
  
friends who would never do anything bad, so since Matt is using all our  
  
cloth except clothing and blankets, you will have to sleep in Lizzie's  
  
bed." Lizzie gasped, and ran to the drug store to pick up the nifty   
  
Birth  
  
Control Patch.(Side effects include stroke, heart attack, and other  
  
serious things. Does not prevent STD's or HIV)  
  
The phone rang, and Gordo picked it up. "Hello?"  
  
"Gordo! It is I! Miranda! You have been chosen!"  
  
"For what?"  
  
"The claw has chosen you! You will be given to an annoying child who  
  
will give it to their dog and it will bite your head off!" said   
  
Miranda.  
  
(A/N I realize this is a run-on sentence!)  
  
"Did the nice surgeons have you watch Toy Story while they were sewing  
  
your head on while Larry blew it off when you were unconscious?" asked  
  
Gordo in a squeaky voice used while talking to infants.  
  
"How'd you know?"  
  
"I watched it while the got my fingers out of a bowling ball," he said  
  
as Lizzie entered. She locked the door, and disconnected the phone.  
  
"Now there will be no interruptions," said Lizzie. She spun around   
  
like  
  
the Sims do when they changed, and she turned into the Maxim girl in   
  
the  
  
gold bikini. She opened her coat, and in a sultry voice says,"Maxim   
  
hair  
  
color. For tips, bleached, or all over color. In the men's grooming  
  
section."  
  
"Ziggy zoggy, ziggy zoggy, oy oy oy!!!" screamed Gordo as he ran out   
  
of  
  
her room. Lizzie spun around again, this time, in naughty lingerie  
  
designed by that woman in Titanic.  
  
"Oops, wrong time period," said Lizzie, and she spun around again.   
  
This  
  
time, she was wearing that Nicole Kidman 2nd "Diamonds Are a Girl's   
  
Best  
  
Friend" outfit from Moulin Rouge. Then Gordo came running back.  
  
"Oh mama!" he said in a Johnny Bravo like voice. Sam McGuire walked   
  
past  
  
Lizzie's open bedroom door.  
  
"All right Lizzie! I'm so glad you found a job that suits you," he   
  
said.  
  
"Silly Daddy, I'm not a hooker!It's Gordo, see," she said pulling up   
  
his  
  
head.  
  
"Ah, yes! I won't tell your mother," said Sam as he shut the door.  
  
Gordo pulled a Sims spinning movement, and was in a Luke Skywalker  
  
outfit. He pulled out a light saber, and penetrated through the pink  
  
fabric, revealing a red dress that she was originally going to wear for  
  
"Smouldering Temptress" with the duke.  
  
"That's my cue to change again," said Gordo as he spun. This time, he  
  
became Christian! "We should be lovers!"  
  
"We can't do that," sang Lizzie.  
  
"We should be lovers! And that's a fact!"  
  
"But nothing, would keep us together."  
  
"We should try, just for one night!"  
  
"We could be heroes, for forever and ever!" they began singing in  
  
unison."We could be heroes, just for one night, and we could be heroes  
  
for forever and ever. And we can be heroes for one night."  
  
"And I will always love you," started Gordo.  
  
"And I hope that it comes true! How wonderful I feel. Now you're in   
  
the  
  
world. You're going to be bad for business, I can tell," sang/ said  
  
Lizzie. Then she kissed Gordo.  
  
"Hold on, what business?"  
  
"Moulin Rouge, Satine is a Courtesan."  
  
"A what?" asked Gordo. "I've never seen the movie."  
  
"Ok Moulin Rouge is like a whore house. Some dude named Harold owned   
  
the  
  
place, and had his cancan girls. Satine was the sparkling diamond. A  
  
Courtesan is a whore. Got it?" asked Lizzie slowly turning back into  
  
herself.  
  
"Ah! I remember now! I took a class in Hooker Studies in fifth grade.  
  
Just slipped my mind," he said as he also was back in his  
  
five-sizes-too-small tux. Then, Lizzie's bedroom became Satine's   
  
dressing  
  
room.  
  
"I'm sorry, Christian. I have to sleep with the Duke. He wants the   
  
evil  
  
Tsar to have the Courtesan at the end of the play. And I have to sleep  
  
with him tonight, so that we might have a chance at the sitar player  
  
getting me. That's how I want it to end. Gotta go! Come what may!"  
  
"Shit! Ok, I need a break. La Tango de Roxanne up here after the   
  
break,"  
  
said Gordo turning into the director of the film/fic. I walk into the  
  
story.  
  
"Whoa whoa whoa. Adam, what are you doing?" I said.  
  
"The cast needs a break. Ashlie is tired of being a ghost, Hilary   
  
needs  
  
a nap, the guy who plays Tudgeman is out of bullets in his bazooka,  
  
LaLaine needs her head back,Robert was frightened of Hilary and my  
  
interlude, and I am dizzy from all those costume changes."  
  
"Fine, the cast can have a break!"  
  
"Yeah!" they yelled.  
  
*****  
  
As Adam gave away, La Tango de Roxanne is coming up. If you're   
  
wondering  
  
why I'm adding Moulin Rouge to the second and third chapter, check out   
  
my  
  
pen name. :). Isn't this fiction nuts? 


	3. La Tango de Whoever the hell this song i...

Hello people with no lives, er, readers of my fan fiction. This is a  
  
Lizzie McGuire fic with this chapter being a Moulin Rouge crossover. I  
  
don't own either of them. But I want to own Ewan McGreggor and/or Adam  
  
Lamberg. Oh ya! when we last left our idiots, they were singing about  
  
being lovers!  
  
*****  
  
Chapter Three: La Tango de Whoever the hell this song is about!  
  
"There is a man," started Larry as the Argentinean, "And there is a  
  
prostitute," he continued, pointing at Miranda. They start dancing.  
  
"First there is desire, then passion, and then there's love, then  
  
there's marriage, then comes a..."  
  
"All right already! Get to the part where..."started Gordo/Christian.  
  
"YOU GO MAD!"  
  
"That's it!"  
  
"Roxanne slash Lizzie. You don't have to turn on that red light. Walk  
  
those mucky alleyways for cash, you don't care if it's politically  
  
correct or if its wrong. Roxanne/ Lizzie. You don't have to wear that  
  
dress tonight. I forgot the words to this song. You don't have to sell  
  
your body to the night."  
  
"His eyes upon your lack of a chest. His hand upon your..uh.. lack of   
  
a  
  
chest. His lips caress your skin. It's more than I can stand!"  
  
"Roxanne/ Lizzie."  
  
"Why does my heart cry," Gordo sang.  
  
"Roxanne slash Lizzie."  
  
"Feelings I can't fight. Feel free to leave me, just don't deceive me,  
  
and please, believe me when I say, I love you!"  
  
"Roxanne slash Lizzie," sang Larry/ Argentinean.  
  
Gordo walks while singing-ending up right by the Gothic Tower where  
  
Lizzie/ Satine and Ethan/ the duke* are doing stuff.  
  
"I will get my, my, my... what's my line?" asked Ethan.  
  
"Ending!" I shout.   
  
"My ending!"  
  
"Come what may!" screams Gordo.   
  
"Come what may," whimpers Lizzie.  
  
"You be sleepin with Gordo yo?" asks Ethan.  
  
"Word!" said Lizzie.  
  
"Bitch! Your supposed to screw me!." Then that black guy punches him.  
  
~~~Opening Night Spectacular Spectacular~~~  
  
"Diamonds are a girls best friend," sang Lizzie.  
  
"You know!" screams a bunch of girls in the crowd. They get a glare   
  
from  
  
their husbands and shut up.  
  
"Vole voux coucher avec moi. Ses wah??" screams Ethan slash the Duyke.  
  
"Nope!" says Lizzie.*cough cough* I am dying!  
  
Then, Gordo comes on stage with a bag of money.  
  
"Hey everyone! I'm the luckiest piece of ass alive! I screwed the  
  
sparkling diamond!"he screamed.  
  
"Yeah! Wait a minute, huh?" asked Kate/ Casper.  
  
"Hey, it's a ghost! Anywho. Since I am a pissed lucky piece of ass, I  
  
will through coins at Lizzie. I've paid my whore," he said then walks   
  
of  
  
the stage.  
  
"Never knew I could feel like this. Like I've never seen the sky   
  
before.  
  
No wonder I'm such a klutz! I never get fresh air! Want to vanish   
  
inside  
  
your kiss. Everyday I'm loving you more and more. Listen to my heart,   
  
can  
  
you hear it sing. Come back to me and forgive everything. *cough   
  
cough*"  
  
"El gaspo!" screams the audience.  
  
"Seasons may change, winter to spring. I love you . Til the end. Of.  
  
Time."  
  
"Come what may! Come what may! Come what may!"   
  
"They are trying to kill you!" screams Andy as Toulouse. Show ends,  
  
Lizzie/ Satine die!  
  
"Do you know why I am here?" asked Kate/ Casper. "To turn into the   
  
Grim  
  
Reeper, and take Lizzie slash Satine to the great beyond!"  
  
"Just take Satine," I said, " we will need Lizzie for a while."  
  
"DAMN!" screamed Casper.  
  
"Welcome to my world," I said.  
  
*****  
  
Another senseless chapter. I'm going back to the normal wave of things  
  
in the next one. Review if you want to live long lives! 


End file.
